slowly moving on.

i think all i can see is the black and gray world because of this doomed shit life. feeling miserable for everything i've encountering now. so much pain that it gives me reason to be back as a bad again.far from being me. i can't longer control myself for being mean all the time. i guess,it was the painful things that cause me too much to changed. this pain will led me to the things i won't usually do/done before. that i won't be able anyone hurt me anymore.

'cause being fool for so many years is enough. i'll always let myself to be fool and stupid because of all the shit things for the others. fuck! i even gave my happiness too for them. but you know what's the real fuck? it's when they still ignore the sacrifices you gave for them to be at least appreciate it. hell, i almost cry a lot of times. and the most harder is  the tears you've still manage to hide it. how ironic. how i wish it was easy to forget all the troubles & foolish things i've kept for so long. so long that i can relate to all the painful songs. i wish there was an eraser to erase all the damn feelings that i invest for so many years, because of this, here i am, drinking all the beers.and lastly, i wish it's easy to move on for all the heartaches and heartbreaks that i am feeling right now, so in the future, i can finally say "is that the guy i usually dream before? can't believe it. wow. haha."
at least for now i can laugh at my own jokes. a real laugh. but not happiness. i'm still hoping, finding, & waiting for it. 'cause i can't wait no longer but i'm not in a hurry too for the right one i want to meet. as i wrote this things that comes in my mind, i hope someday, the wounds are finally heal. all the pain are finally remove. and when i look back, all i want to do is to smile, smile  for the pains that i usually cried so much before. in the past. :)
june 07,2014
12:40 a.m. sat